When I write poems, I usually have to work line by line. It also has to rhyme. I tried to put myself in his shoes. Especially before Philip started across that line. I imagined the fear and anxiety I would have felt approaching what could be my death. How would I bring myself to get on that tightrope? I also tried to use some of his own inspiration to depict a first person account of that day.
I.
There I stood on top of the world,
Overwhelmed by fear as the wind swirled.
There I stood gazing across that line,
Wondering why I followed this dream of mine.
Inches away from a thousand foot drop,
I knew I had come too far, I couldn't stop.
I placed one foot on, hoping I wouldn't slip,
I knew that I needed composure to survive this trip.
Who knew such beauty could instill such fear.
I couldn't turn back for my dream was near.
Once I placed my second foot I knew,
Trust my body, it will know what to do.
The first step is where it all counts,
That's when the danger and fear all mounts.
II.
Compared to that first step the second was a breeze.
I took the third and fourth with even more ease.
The fifth and sixth were no problem at all.
After the seventh I knew I couldn't fall.
I knew that I could finish this walk.
I was so excited I couldn't even talk.
Finally I could take in the view,
A magnificent sight I wish everyone knew.
I was living my dream, feeling like I could fly.
I was almost a quarter mile up in the sky.
The next thing I knew I stepped off the end.
I wasn't ready to leave, so I went on again.
Seven more times I traveled to and fro,
Listening to the enchanting crowd below.
III.
It wasn't until then something caught my eye:
A bird flying further up in the sky.
Its eyes as red as blood freshly spilled.
I knew if I stayed, I would likely be killed.
The gods allowed me to share in their fun,
But I sensed my time in their realm was done.
I reluctantly made my way off the line.
I knew I had finished that dream of mine.
They asked, "Why?" people from every color and every nation.
I told them all the same answer, "There is no explanation."
I guess the reason I like your poem so much is because it is head and shoulders above mine. I love the thought you put in to dividing the poem up and articulating your story so well. I normally don't like to read poetry but I actually enjoyed yours. Very nice job.
ReplyDeleteI like how you separated your poem into 3 different parts describing the before, during, and after. I also like how you took the time to make your poem rhyme.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate that you made yours rhyme, I did that with mine as well and know it wasn't very easy to do. I liked your diction as well.
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you structured your poem and told the story thoroughly in each stanza. The poem also flowed really well while I was reading it with all of the rhyming, great job!
ReplyDeleteI like your poem because you can say you kind of have your own style and just go with it, it really worked out for you here!
ReplyDeleteI really liked how much emotion you showed and the detail of what he was thinking. You wrote it so the reader could experience what he felt right before he took his first step all the way to his last.
ReplyDeleteI really likes how you split up your poem, it's something you don't see very often and it turned out very nice! Also I loved all the emotion you put into it, great job!
ReplyDeleteThis poem was incredible. My jaw dropped as I read this! congratulations, you did a great job. I really like how you split up your poem into different sections. I don't see the much so it was something different and it worked really well for you. I can tell you worked very hard on this.
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